Feelings....

So many emotions...

How does one 'choose' to feel fabulous, despite what ever is going on around you?
I've worked it out.....I think!

My big boy JM has slowly become less & less happy in his current school. Lots of reasons. Behavioural issues within the school, lack of stimulation within the classroom & a sense of 'not belonging' in the playground.
This revelation has stirred up loads of emotions within me.

1. Hurt. It's gut wrenching to see your child unhappy.
2. Guilt. As his mother I should be able to protect him from this kind of thing.
3. Worry. How long has he been unhappy for & can he find happiness in another school?
4. Frustration. I'm struggling with not being in 'control' of this situation.
5. Shame. I am ashamed that I struggled terribly with letting him change schools because the school he is in, is a private school, the one he wants to go to is a government school. Yep...that makes me a private school snob. How embaressing!

Long story short. This big brave boy of mine has changed schools. Today, in fact, is his second day at his new school. He is nervous, feels like a fish out of water & has even doubted his decision a few times, but he's there & he's giving it a go & I am so so proud of him.
(update at the end of new school day 2 - JM still thinks Deptuty Principal thinks she's 'all that'...ha-ha! He is much happier this evening, feeling good about his decision to change schools & has even made an appointment with Deputy & discussed moving up to the advanced classes.....THAT'S my boy!!!)

Now...how did I 'choose' to feel fabulous while all this was going on? I decided that I was going to flip all those emotions & make them into something positive. It's not that easy to do, but its actually not that hard either, you just have to start by softening it.

For eg:

Hurt. Yes my tummy was in knots. But JM came to me, honest, open & trusting that I would respect his feelings. I am so grateful we have that kind of relationship.

Guilt. I'm his Mamma...yes. But on this journey of life of his, I am merely his guide. The rest is up to him. That's a toughy to accept, but I've done it.

Worry. Worrying about JM doesnt do him, or me, any good. By worrying about him, I give put that vibe out to him, which in turn makes him worry more about his situation. So we focus on the good parts.

Frustration. Not bieng in control. Hmmmmm...this is something that will take some practice. However, if I take a deep breathe & believe that these are all lessons that JM will benefit from, then it softens my need to be the master of HIS life.

Shame. Woah...this one wasn't easy either. What's the difference between a private & government school? School fees? Yes. Stigma? Ah yes, thats it...its the stigma of a 'state' school that I'm struggling with.
How do I soften this? Tricky but possible!
The stigma of anything is not only created by other people (people just like me) but also by the people who actually believe in it & then care more about what 'others' believe that I do. So....its what we believe that's important. Not only is it important, but its all that matters.

I do believe I am a little step closer to being totally fabulous. Amazing what we can learn from our children.

Let's get physical...

BB & I have discovered 'The Wiggles'. Their songs are catchy & lots of fun for a Mamma & her Bubba to dance too. Fun times :)

WHAT I'VE DONE FOR ME...

Apart from having some fun pointing my fingers & doing the twist (thank you Wiggles) I also had some impromptu fun with a couple of friends I don't get to spend time with very often. If not for our boys being in the same year 5 class at school, we probably wouldn't 'find' the time to catch up at all.
But we sat, for hours! We talked, laughed, bitched, complained, got up our kids a couple of times, had several cups of tea & THE MOST divine yummo thing I've eaten in a long while. I cannot for the life of me remember what it's called...but when Miss B gets her bake on...she REALLY gets her bake on! YUM YUM!!!